The Hidden Impact of Weaponised Incompetence at Home and Work

circular connection
Sep 16
2 min read

It may look like forgetfulness or clumsiness, but repeated underperformance can quietly shift emotional labour onto others. This subtle tactic often creates lasting harm.

Man in a kitchen looks at a burnt meal in a pan, appearing frustrated. A woman stands beside him with crossed arms, looking displeased.

AI Image: OpenAI

Weaponised incompetence is when someone deliberately pretends not to know how to do a task or does it poorly to avoid responsibility. This behavior is often presented as clumsiness, forgetfulness, or helplessness. Over time, it places a greater burden on others to step in and handle the task, leading to emotional and practical imbalance in both personal and professional settings.

Emotional labour is the invisible work of managing emotions, including anticipating needs, easing tension, and taking mental responsibility for planning and problem-solving. In many households and workplaces, the person on the receiving end of weaponised incompetence ends up carrying this additional emotional labour. They do the remembering, the managing, and the fixing, all while hiding their own exhaustion to maintain peace or productivity.

Man looks stressed at document, woman focused on laptop in office. Papers on desk, person in background, muted colors, serious mood.

AI Image: OpenAI

For example, one partner may routinely claim they cannot cook or remember schedules, forcing the other to manage all meals and appointments. In the workplace, an employee may avoid learning digital tools or consistently make errors in reports, relying on others to double-check and correct their work. In both cases, the emotional labour of remembering, teaching, and correcting falls on someone else.

Over time, resentment builds, trust erodes, and burnout becomes likely. Those taking on the extra load often feel unappreciated and emotionally depleted.

Recognising weaponised incompetence is the first step to change. Addressing it with clarity and assertiveness is the next.

Here are some ways to manage it in different settings:

In Personal Relationships:

Man with pained expression holds shirt over laundry basket on bed. Woman stands with arms crossed, looking displeased. Beige room setting.

AI Image: OpenAI

Name the imbalance - Acknowledge when tasks and emotional labour are unevenly shared.
Set shared responsibilities - Clearly outline who handles what, and revisit the list if needed.
Avoid taking over tasks out of frustration - Allow room for learning and improvement instead of rescuing.
Establish accountability - When underperformance continues, discuss fair standards and follow through.

At Workplaces:

Two women at a table; one in red looks stressed, holding paper. The other in beige writes notes. Laptop and open notebook nearby. Office setting.

AI Image: OpenAI

Clarify expectations in writing - Share written instructions and task breakdowns where needed.
Track recurring issues - Document repeated underperformance for constructive conversations.
Ask for support when needed - Escalate ongoing concerns to supervisors with professionalism.
Protect personal boundaries - Do not absorb others’ responsibilities. Respect your own workload and advocate for fair distribution.

Weaponised incompetence may appear harmless at first, but over time it creates deep emotional and relational imbalances. Addressing weaponised incompetence is not just about task completion. It is about restoring fairness, reducing emotional labour, and ensuring that all members of a relationship or team carry their share of responsibility.