Humblebragging: The Praise We Pretend Not to Want

In a culture that values modesty, the urge to be noticed often leads to awkward displays of humblebragging. Why is it so hard to accept praise with simple honesty?

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Compliment a Singaporean for doing something kind and chances are, they will quickly brush it off. “No lah, just helping” or “Bo bian, have to help” are common replies. It might seem like humility, but the same act often resurfaces later—shared in a family group chat, posted on social media, or quietly brought up in conversation.

Humblebragging is everywhere, from social media feeds to casual conversations. It is the act of boasting about achievements while pretending to be modest or even complaining. This behaviour might seem harmless, but it often leaves listeners feeling irritated and disconnected.

At its core, humblebragging is a form of self-promotion disguised as humility. Instead of openly celebrating success, people slip their accomplishments into complaints or self-deprecating remarks. This approach of false modesty can come across as insincere, making others question the speaker’s authenticity.

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Doing good is often expected to be quiet and sincere. Yet, many people still want their actions to be noticed. The result is a kind of humblebrag: a reluctance to accept compliments in person, paired with a desire for recognition in more controlled, indirect ways. This social reflex to downplay kind acts is especially noticeable among certain generations. Raised with values that discourage boasting, many prefer to appear reserved or humble. They will reject praise on the surface, but moments later, the same deed appears in a family group chat or on Facebook. A stranger helped at the MRT, a neighbour’s groceries carried home, a meal quietly paid for—captured, typed out, and shared.

It raises a question. If doing good was truly “no big deal,” why go through the effort of sharing it? The truth is, many still crave validation. The contradiction lies in not wanting to seem proud while still wanting others to notice. This creates a peculiar mix of awkward modesty and quiet self-promotion.

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Social media only amplifies this. A casual post captioned with “so paiseh, just happened to help” is often followed by comments praising the person’s kindness. It becomes a loop: public display, reluctant response, repeat. These actions are not necessarily insincere. In fact, most come from a genuine place. But the discomfort around receiving compliments—or just saying thank you—often makes the moment feel more awkward than necessary. The need to explain, downplay, or shift the spotlight can make generosity look less natural and more performative.

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Research shows that humblebraggers are often perceived as less likeable and trustworthy than those who simply share their achievements honestly. People value sincerity and can sense when someone is fishing for compliments or trying to appear humble while still seeking praise. In a society that appreciates genuine connections, humblebragging can backfire. It may even make others feel uncomfortable or inferior, especially when achievements are downplayed in a way that seems dismissive of others’ struggles. The result is often the opposite of what the humblebragger intended: instead of admiration, they receive annoyance or skepticism.

There is nothing wrong with feeling proud of doing something good. And there is nothing wrong with wanting others to know. But perhaps the most graceful response is the simplest one: thank you. No extra explanation needed. Just honest appreciation, both ways.